HELP!

Below is the story of a young traumatized girl, Grace who seeks help. Please, do not ignore this post...

I am so glad i came across this medium. These days, i just feel like giving up and am always feeling hunted. This story I am about to share happened ten years ago. We were in my house. I and my younger ones. We were playing when one of my cousin brothers, Obinna visited us. Our parents were not around. Anyway, he always comes when my parents leave for work. When I asked him why, he said that he feels more comfortable relating with us unlike when my parents were around.

On that faithful day, something terrible happened. As  he was with us, I began to feel uncomfortable. So, I went to the bathroom to have a shower. While I was bathing, I felt like someone was looking at me. The door to our bathroom was damaged. Termites had eaten the lower part off. If someone bends down and tries to look inside, he could see the person inside the bathroom. So, as i was still feeling strange and watched, I looked beneath the door, the part that was open. I saw Obinna peeping at me. I felt both shy and ashamed. But, at a point, I decided to go out and check if someone was there. I didn't even bathe well. My body was still soapy. So, I ran out of the bathroom. I heard some footsteps running.. I could not go after the person because i was not properly dressed. After I dressed up, I went back to the sitting room where I left my siblings. Obinna was still there playing with them, acting like he did nothing. I didn't want to embarrass or accuse him falsely. So, I forgot about what happened.

Two days later, as I was on the couch in our parlour sleeping, I heard a knock on our door. I went out to check and it was Obinna. I did not know how to dismiss him because i was the only one at home. But, on a second thought, I opened the door for him because i didn't think he would do anything bad to me. Besides, he is my cousin. He came in, and we started talking. At a point, he told me that he was hungry. I went to the kitchen to bring him food. For me to turn around with the food on my hand in the kitchen, the plate fell down and broke as our bodies collided with each other. I began to wonder why he followed me to the kitchen. I started feeling uncomfortable. So, I tried to cover the emotions up. I asked him, " are you that hungry?" But he didn't respond  I just stood there looking at the broken plates and wondered what I was going to  tell my mum when she gets back. Before I could look up, Obinna pushed me to the cupboard. It hurt me badly. I wanted to struggle but he was too big for me. The next place I got myself was on the broken glass. I cried so loud, but it seemed no one could hear me. Then, Obinna pulled up my gown and had his way with me. . It hurt so much because it was my first and on top of that, I was on sharp broken plates. When he was done with me, he just left without saying anything apart from "I'm sorry". My Blood was all over my body. From crying I slept off. When I woke up it was already afternoon and I didn't want anyone to find out, because it may kill my esteem and I thought that my mum would beat me or at worse make the two families to be in a feud. So, I had my bathe. Cleaned up the kitchen and went back to the parlour.

My parents came back in the evening and asked what happened. I told them that the plate broke while i was washing them, and when I tried to pick them up, I fell over them and got injured. It was so easy to them to believe what I told them because I hardly lied. I was taken to a pharmacist and was dressed.  I managed to conceal all these things.

Even now that I am 20,and he is 32, happily married, still living two streets away from ours.  I keep on having nightmares about it. Anytime I see my cousin he always looks happy while i am hurting. He may have thought I had forgotten the event but it kills me bitterly. I cant bear the shame and hurt. I don't know if I should run away from home. Pls I need your advise.What